This Is Kind Of Like A Food Blog, But Not Really At All Like One

A riveting photo of the random items in my fridge right now.

I decided at the beginning of the week to not buy groceries until Saturday. Part of this was due to the fact I don't get paid until Friday, but the larger reason was how insanely inconvenient purchasing groceries is for me. It's like an eye roll and a huge sigh all at once every time I reach for the shopping cart.

A few reasons for this:

1. I make a list every time but then don't reference the list once I'm in the store. Don't ask why I do this. I have this obsessive-compulsive, idiosyncratic desire to write down each and every item the slightest whim brings to my mind, but once I'm actually inside the store I get so flustered, I don't even want any extra garbage getting in my way. Suddenly, I'm like, "Fuck this list and all the pressure it brings! I need to go with the flow and just find things the natural way!" So, here's my first problem.

2. People always want to look at the exact same thing I want to look at. Oh, that really off brand of crackers that no one else has ever heard of but that I read about in a newsletter from Whole Foods, and Publix somehow carries? Oh yeah, that lady over there wants to look at them for a minimum of an hour at the same exact time I inch my way toward the shelf. I could always say, "Excuse me" but then again I assume everyone should understand that my quiet, polite mannerisms translate to, "SCRAM, RUDE LADY!" (Yeah, I just said scram. Deal with it.)

3. I almost never buy based on meals. Again, this may harken back to the list debacle since I'd have a better shot at getting meal-conducive items if I didn't feel like a single sheet of paper was such an incredible burden to pull out of my purse, but I hardly ever purchase items that make sense for a meal. Oh, hummus and peanut butter and sun-dried tomatoes? Gotta have all that! Not sure what to do once I actually want to, you know, eat.

4. I get distracted by gimmicks. Wait, Triscuit crackers are buy one get one free? Better buy, like, four boxes since I will probably be entertaining a lot of people in the future and crackers are always a hit, I guess. Or something. (And I always regret that I've purchased things I usually don't even want in such large quantities that don't make sense to my lifestyle.)

So, knowing all that, I procrastinated and as a result, this entire week I've had a skeletal selection of food. Last night, for instance, I finished some cottage cheese and hummus with the last of the oddly abundant Triscuit crackers I'd been hoarding since November. For breakfast, I had a weird egg wrap featuring leftover sweet potato fries (can't waste money!) that I threw away after a few bites (okay, I guess you can!) And that's another thing, since realizing the incredible price of just existing, I feel like any food I bring into my apartment must be eaten. I will save the smallest amount of leftovers imaginable because, hey, I may want a bite-sized portion of an entree at a later date. (Does anyone else do this?)

But, tomorrow is Friday which means I'm one day closer to not making meals that could possibly be featured on an episode of "Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives."**

And I have a pretty long list written out, too. Wish me luck.

**Although, one night, I did use up the rest of my arugula and spinach and basically felt like writing a cookbook after I created my own brown rice recipe with it. Totally sounds fancy, right? I was so close to photographing it for Facebook, I swear to God.

Being A Size Smug

If you’re friends with me on Facebook (and let’s face it, most of you are. I blog under no illusion that I’ve reached a status that doesn’t require solicitation on my part via the social networking site. Unless you count the random views I get from international readers—which I do count. Every day to boost my already weirdly inflated yet extremely fragile ego) you know I was starting an exercise regimen last night.

Despite being temporarily derailed by a multitude of distractions that included requesting catalogs for various department stores online and a labor-intensive, healthy meal (which, by the way, was a little too healthy. I ate a few bites and felt overwhelming dissatisfaction and thought, maybe that’s how insanely healthy eating works—you starve from unhappiness because your food is weird) I actually got up and completed 20 minutes of cardio.

And now I’m waiting on a call from NBC to cast me as the next trainer for "The Biggest Loser" since I’m a fitness expert.

I won’t tell you what I’m doing because I’m kind of embarrassed by the cheesiness of it, but it’s a DVD fitness series thing that I specifically requested for Christmas (and no, it’s not Flirty Girl Fitness. I have some self-respect).  It’s insane that even in my living room, with the blinds shut and the volume down low enough so my neighbors can’t hear, how insecure I am about the fact I own fitness DVDs. Like it’s some weird thing I have to keep hidden under beds or in underwear drawers.

Despite my irrational fear of people knowing I work out to high-energy videos that feature pop hits from Britney Spears and P!nk, I will try and do this everyday. And it’s not for some noble reason like wanting to be a “size healthier” (looking at you, bullshit weight loss commercials. What does that even mean?) but because I want to lose actual pounds. You know, the kind that when you add them up makes it possible for you to buy a pair of jeans from Abercrombie & Fitch. And hey, let’s talk about that store. I don’t think I’m some abnormally sized person ready for immobility, but yet Abercrombie refuses to offer sizes beyond size 9 in their stores. SIZE 9. So if you’re above that, then I guess you should just never see the light of day and consider your life a failure. And I honestly don’t even want a pair of their judgment jeans, I just want to be able to buy jeans there, but choose not to. Being able to smugly walk past their store (and probably have no one even notice) is the ultimate goal here.

So, yeah. Last night I started an exercise regimen.

Fancy For The New Year

I’m not a huge fan of New Year’s Eve. And this dislike hasn’t developed as a coping mechanism for the fact I’m shy and rarely ever attend any party I’m invited to. New Year’s has always been a strange celebration to me. I mean, technically, each day signifies a year’s over. Your birthday, for instance, means a year has gone by and you’re a year older. I just never understood the fascination with switching out your calendar.

But, I mean, I guess I get the appeal. It’s a definite date of renewal. On this date, the past is the past and I have a whole new year to do something with my life. It’s a pretty liberating mindset. And I do like the idea of having an excuse to start over and regain motivation.

One year, I will have a very fancy New Year’s Eve. If I do ever decide to celebrate it in some grand gesture such as staying up late enough to actually see the glow of the digitized 12 on my clock, I’d like it to be fancy. I’d like there to be lots of gold confetti and glamorous, sparkling dresses and guys wearing ties. And this music playing in the background.

Fancy for the New Year mini mix

1.     The New Year – Death Cab for Cutie

2.     My Dear Acquaintance (A Happy New Year) – Regina Spektor

3.     New Year’s Resolution – Otis Redding

4.     Io (This Time Around) – Helen Stellar

5.     Where to Begin – My Morning Jacket

6.     January Hymn – The Decemberists

7.     Auld Lang Syne – Various Artists

So maybe that’s my New Year’s resolution: to have fancy parties and throw gold confetti in the air more often.

What’s yours?

25 DofC Day 25: Writing You a Merry Christmas

Day 25

"Spirit of Christmas" by Ray Charles AKA my dad's favorite Christmas song.

Right now, I'm sitting here with my mom watching ABC Family's original movie, "The 12 Dates of Christmas." It has Zack Morris in it, which is pretty much all I need in a movie.

She's half asleep and my dad's avoiding this movie entirely--he's decided to take a shower then watch an episode or two of "Pawn Stars" in the back room. And then probably add another three or four episodes after he realizes I have "Holiday in Handcuffs" waiting in the wings. Later, we'll watch "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" and he'll make some reference to which characters resemble our relatives most, and then I'll probably cry during the scene where Clark's watching old home movies in the attic while Ray Charles' "Spirit of Christmas" plays in the background.

But right now, I'm sitting here sort of bored.

So, I decided to blog. I really have no direction with this entry, but I think that's okay. It's kind of how I feel about the new year. No direction, just an unfocused desire to move forward and onward. I find myself saying, "We'll see" about a lot of things in my life. Job opportunities, guys, adopting a dog, whether or not I can successfully use this fancy new electronic wine opener my BFF, Ricky, gifted me. It's all uncertain, but, again I think that's okay.

I had a really nice Christmas. It's weird because I always get kind of depressed Christmas evening. It's this inexplicable cloud that hovers over me as the day ends and I can keep feeling the cloud deepen until I'm just sitting stone-faced thinking about the new year.

This year, like every other year since I can remember, I began to feel that way. So I started writing and surprisingly, things seemed better. I felt not so sad that the holidays were over.

What I'm trying to say is that writing brings me out of funks. It makes me feel better and stronger and powerful and more connected when I feel sad. Writing is what has brought me through so many things and because of it, I know whatever the new year has, I'll write through it.

Hope you guys will stick it out with me.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Thanks for reading :)

25 DofC Day 23: Gangs, Dresses and Style Tips

So, remember when I was telling you guys about how I was styling a shoot? Probably not, because I announced it way long ago. But besides my issues with prematurely sharing news with people, I actually have the end product of the shoot today. Get excited!

My good friend, Christina, had been encouraging me to explore the world of styling. I was hesitant because being responsible for how other people look is sort of nerve-wracking. I mean, sure, I wear what I want and hope people think it’s cute, but ultimately I dress for myself, so who knows. Maybe I’m that weirdo who people just patronize with flattering comments?

But because she’s an amazing photographer and person, she presented me with an opportunity to try it out on a real-deal, styled photo shoot. With the help of her equally talented cousin, Nicky, makeup and hair were incredible. I still can’t believe how awesome it looked.

So, with an overabundance of options from Chloe (that girl has an already amazing wardrobe) and her boyfriend, Blake, I was able to piece together outfits that made sense to our 50s teen gang meets West Side Story meets Best Coast’s music video for “Our Deal” theme.

I’ll share a few photos from the shoot below to go with some of the tips I have for trying the trends, but please check out Photo Says Hello, which is Christina’s website. Not only is the entire shoot on there, but also other beautifully captured moments that she manages to somehow consistently photograph. She amazes me!

And, since you’re already on the Internet and clearly have good taste because you’re reading my blog and checking out Christina’s blog, go ahead and check out Nicky’s page, All I Need Is One Mic. I mean, just look at the makeup and hair on Chloe—you need Nicky’s help!

Mixing Prints 

AKA Chloe Wears A Red Circle Vine Print Dress Under A Plaid Button-Down

Photo Courtesy of Photo Says Hello

Mixing prints is tricky, but if you pull it off you end up looking so cool and interesting. And I really mean interesting in its intended definition, not the way you use it when you don’t know what else to say about something clearly awful.

Tips for Trying the Trend:

--Try mixing bolder prints with subtler ones. I like to think of one of the prints as almost a pseudo neutral. In Chloe’s case, the subtle print was the dress. The circle pattern is light and delicate and doesn’t compete too much with the plaid.

--Make sure there’s something that unites the pieces. For Chloe, the color red was what made this outfit look cohesive. The red of the dress was picked up in the red stripes of the plaid.

--Keep it simple. Which seems like weird advice considering I’m helping you go against years of lessons about matching your clothes, but seriously. Chloe only had on two pieces, which kept the outfit clean.

Menswear 

AKA Chloe Wears Button-Downs and Combat Boots

Photo Courtesy of Photo Says Hello

Personally, I’m a pretty girly dresser, but I love this trend. I think it’s adding the “spice” into the “sugar” that is femininity. You can really take it as far as you feel comfortable (think Diane Keaton wearing ties and bowler hats) or just infuse it in small doses. Which is what I did with Chloe.

Tips for Trying the Trend:

--Button-downs are an easy way to baby-step into menswear. I like tying them at the waist as a nod to years past and, well, because it’s cute. If you do tie at the waist, my advice would be to button the shirt either up to the collar or just one button below. With tied button-downs (especially plaid ones) it seems like you’re always one undone button too many away from looking like a western wear ad. We did unbutton a bit for Chloe, but because she was wearing a red dress underneath and not jeans, we avoided the country cliff. Unless that's the look you're going for (which is totally fine, you do you) be aware of the edge you may be line-dancing on with plaid and denim!

--Incorporate feminine pieces in unexpected places. Chloe wore two button-downs for this shoot—the chambray denim and the plaid. For the chambray one, I added sparkle at the collar with a twisted, mixed-metal necklace.

Photo Courtesy of Photo Says Hello

--Combat boots are always awesome. Okay, so maybe I didn’t say that as eloquently as I could have, but seriously. I love them with dresses because I think the mix of soft and tough is effortlessly cool and oddly beautiful. And with skinny jeans, they’re just plain badass. I made Chloe wear those boots pretty much all day. With everything.

Retro Twists 

AKA Everything Chloe Wore

Photo Courtesy of Photo Says Hello

 Okay, so this entire shoot could probably go under this trend, but I’ll focus on the black and white ensemble, and then simply, the red dress with pearls.

Tips For Trying the Trend:

--Beware of the costume. If you want to look retro and chic, you have to wink at the past with your clothing, not take a time machine to the 50s and buy your outfit. For Chloe, each outfit had something that whispered years gone by. The shape of the red dress with its ¾ length sleeves and full skirt, the black skinny pants that channeled Audrey Hepburn, and the boxy, ¾ length sleeve white, lace top that was cropped just enough to look slightly 60s. All pieces tiptoe along the decades without jumping off a cheesy cliff of cliché.

--Shop at thrift stores. I know it may be difficult to find clothing at thrift stores that fits or isn’t so literal, but accessory shopping at thrift stores for retro pieces is essential. Chloe’s layered pearl necklace with the beautiful jeweled clasp? Goodwill. The long, twisted gold chain? Local thrift store.

25 DofC Day 20: Maybe This Christmas I'll Be Motivated

Day 20

"Maybe This Christmas" by Ron Sexsmith

It’s difficult to become truly motivated and inspired if you’re a cynical person. For me, especially in a stuffy, corporate setting, I sometimes find it impossible. I mean, I don’t want to watch a dated video where the women are wearing scrunchies and the men have mullets because all I’m taking away from the video is strictly era-related observations. And I can’t help but be wildly aware of the deliberate usage of power words when the motivational attempt is being made.

But today, in a motivational-type class at work, I found myself surprisingly, well, motivated. I know. It’s totally out of character for me to find inspiration in that environment, but I think I was hit with this information at exactly the right time. And by someone who I’ve never met, which in a weird way made me more receptive to it. But mostly, it was because of the undeniable amount of ideals and situations that rang true to my own life.

Like the fact that I give in too much because I’d rather not argue about it. Which then makes me feel victimized. Which then makes me complain and wallow in negativity. Or the fact I get overwhelmed because not only am I dealing with situations I’ve allowed other people to put me in, but I’m also dealing with other people’s issues in general.

And this overload causes me to retreat to total brain candy. i.e. watching Youtube videos on how to properly care for your candles.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still watching those videos. I just felt, I don’t know, inspired to maybe read more. Or write more. Or at least Youtube something productive like how to play the ukulele.

So my Christmas gift to myself may very well be a backbone and a voice and 30 minutes of productivity each day.

It’s that or a wick-trimmer, which one candle-obsessed Youtuber says is essential in any candle care kit.

Tough decision, I know. (I mean, seriously. I kind of want that wick-trimmer. Scissors seem so barbaric after learning such a specific tool exists.)

25 DofC Days 13,14,15,16,17,18,19: The Raveonettes & Kashi Waffles & Christmas Spirit

Days 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 (I KNOW.)

"The Christmas Song" by The Raveonettes

Sometimes living on your own means your dinners are fancy, organic meals you make yourself with locally grown vegetables—a meal you enjoy while listening to the humming of traffic and some kind of singer/songwriter music. It’s so trendy, you know? And you actually have time to finish that novel—the one that’s destined to launch you into celebrity while simultaneously gaining all this crazy respect from the literary community because they’re all like, “This girl is like a quirkier Jane Austen and we love her despite her self-indulgent rants and tendency to incessantly make pop cultural references!”

But, then there’s other times when dinner means weird shit like Kashi blueberry waffles paired with red wine—a meal you enjoy while watching Cake Boss’ “Next Great Baker” followed by an ABC Family “25 Days of Christmas” original movie.

 (I mean, things have to be balanced.)

Elvis, looking sort of intense for a Christmas album cover.

I realize the latter description sounds way sad and super depressing and like I’m listening to side two of “Elvis’ Christmas Album” (can we all please agree that side two of that record is oddly melancholy?)

But, I promise I’m surprisingly content. It’s not like “Blue Christmas” is playing sadly from my record player while I gaze out of a frosted windowpane, eating a Kashi waffle off a paper towel because plates are too much effort. (Okay, the Kashi waffle and paper towel thing has happened.)

It’s weird because typically, I wouldn’t be okay with this. At all. But so far I’ve managed to go even beyond my own set of expectations about solo living.

I do have to admit though, that Christmas doesn’t seem like Christmas. And I’m not sure if this is because I’ve moved out or if it’s because each year brings with it another layer of apathy for the season—but whatever the cause, I find myself completely unmoving about the holiday.

I even tried—really tried—to get into the spirit. I have a tree, I made Christmas cookies (which were shared with no one but my trashcan because they were disgusting) and I make a habit of putting Elvis on every day when I get home (side one only!)

It’s just not happening for me, though. I didn’t even put the first Christmas decoration on my desk at work. I’m like the weird house on the street that refuses to put up Christmas lights

I’m hoping this weekend will trigger the glimmer of excitement I usually have at least once during December. There are some pretty festive activities on the itinerary, so I hope the remainder of this week doesn’t completely destroy the weekend for me. Or better yet, I don’t let it.

(Okay, so you would think as much as I mentioned Elvis and his Christmas album in this post, I’d actually make today’s song one off that album. But, nope. I like to stay consistent with my illogical decision-making. Today I chose my favorite Christmas song ever, in a deliberate effort to inch me closer to the spirit. This song plus more ABC Family movies, and maybe I’ll get there.)