Sunday, August 5, 2012

My Highly Anticipated Review of The Dark Knight Rises*

*Yeah, it’s actually not so much a review as it is just a list of my likes and dislikes. But “My highly anticipated lists of comments about ‘The Dark Knight Rises' that will not at all help you make a decision on whether or not to see the film” is a little wordy.


I saw “The Dark Knight Rises” this weekend and thought I’d illustrate my emotionally confusing, love/hate relationship with the film by doing something I just love to do: making lists.

Despite almost not arriving to the theater in time, having to sit right up front (I mean, first row) and being subjected to this nearby creep's loud, villainous laughter whenever Bane would do something evil (seriously--it was weird and made me wonder what basement he wandered out of), I was able to persevere and actually see a movie that EVERYONE is seeing. Oh, yeah, and this post contains spoilers. Not sure why I need to say that though. I mean, really, if you haven't seen the movie by now, you probaly don't care.


Joseph Gordon Levitt
He managed to be adorable and endearing despite the terribly cliché “young cop” dialogue he had. He’s just so cute. And I liked how his uniform accentuated his cuteness. Basically, he was my favorite part of the movie. I feel like it should have just been about him being him in his own life with lots of camera time for his face.

Anne Hathaway’s Sassy Attitude
Again, even though her entire character was one giant cliché, you can’t help but be all, “You go, girl!” when you see women kicking ass while managing to keep their hair from frizzing.

Morgan Freeman’s Bow Ties
He played a professor in this, right?

Football Field Explosion Scene
No wonder they whored that footage out in every trailer for the movie.

Cat Woman’s Heels
Badass fashion that doubles as weapons.

Marion Cotillard’s Makeup
Normal stuff you think about during action movies, right?

The Post-Bane Takeover Sentencing Room
It was where they went to choose exile or death. I just really liked the visual of the papers falling and how exaggerated the stand was. When I saw it, I could immediately picture it in a comic book.


The Batman Whisper
That’s a given. I just can’t take a guy seriously when he’s whispering threats.

Bane’s Voice
I really wasn’t prepared for such a dignified and ostentatious voice to come from behind a black skeleton mask being worn by a huge guy who dresses in cargo pants and army boots. I kept wondering if his villainous back story would have something do with being an 18th century butler who was done wrong. And then I couldn’t stop myself from imagining him maniacally ripping away his coattails and throwing down a silver tray in slow motion as he dashed into the sewers to go work out and stuff. Also, all throughout the movie I knew I had heard that voice before. It was here. His voice is the SNL depiction of Sean Connery.

The Dialogue
Okay, I know that hero movies have some cliché and that’s kind of expected, but I just couldn’t overlook the following:

Batman’s beating up guys in an alley or sewer or something and when he’s done, he looks at JGL. Bad guy in background coming up behind Batman. JGL: “You missed a spot.” Batman turns and punches bad guy. I puke/laugh.

Anne Hathaway sitting in seedy bar. Guy sits at table with her. Anne Hathaway: “Hey handsome, what you doing in a place like this?” or something like that. I puke/laugh.

Marion Cotillard is about to die. Marion (weakly): I will finish my father's plan. You can't stop the bomb. Haha" then she dies. I puke/laugh.

The Overly Obvious Tie-In to the Movie Title
The Dark Knight is literally rising out of a hole in the ground.

Batman's Miraculous Health Improvement
He’s barely able to chew a cracker that’s been hand-fed to him, but then they turn on the TV and the next scene is him doing push-ups.

The Cape
I'm sorry. I know that's a pretty blasphemous statement to make in the presence of hard-core fans and I would never admit it out loud at Comic-Con, but the cape is just ridiculous. I hate how it dramatically ripples in the wind.

Overall, I liked it alright, I guess. It’s not really my thing, but I feel like for a superhero movie, all the necessary elements were present and done pretty well.

But, I’m just some girl with a blog who makes lists and calls it a movie review. And I also saw Step Up 3D in theaters. So, there’s that added credibility.

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