When I was young, I used to play this little game where I'd shut my eyes tight and imagine that when I opened them, everything around me would change. Like the flicker of my eyelid would trigger some alchemic reaction in my surroundings and suddenly I’d be in a wonderland of my design.
Yesterday, I had that same impulse. That if I shut my eyes to what was happening, I could just open wide and everything would be different. The world around me would be swept away and replaced with one I had dreamt of.
But despite the fact I tried to retreat from awareness, I couldn’t replace the images of what happened.
It’s difficult for me to watch the news because I find it mostly disturbing and deeply troubling. I can’t handle hearing about the suffering of others. Knots form in my stomach and sink so much that I can barely function.
I don’t think I’ll ever understand, or want to understand, how a person can rob someone of something they’ve worked hard to earn. How they can abuse animals that want nothing but to love you even when you don’t deserve it. Or how they can kill innocent people.
Innocent children, who had years of laughter and adventure and failed attempts at imaginative, eyelid-flicker traveling ahead of them. It’s not fair.
I’ve had to shut myself off again, after reading this article this morning. It’s inspiring in the saddest way possible. I just hope this teacher realizes how amazing she is. In the midst of fear and chaos, she was able to spread a message of love and compassion to these scared children. And I hope that her saying she loved them is louder than anything else they heard that day.